A Dose of Dicky V, Baby!
by Adam Reich
As another season of college basketball approaches we must begin to prepare ourselves for the annoying banter of our favorite college hoops wacko. That’s right, I’m talking about Dicky V, baby. The bald, one-eyed PTP’er is dusting off his microphone as we speak, getting ready for more outrageous outbursts, crazy nicknames and another season of college basketball.
But before Dicky V has a chance to run his mouth, I will attempt to cast myself in his image and bring you the preseason all-Dicky V teams, baby.
The Champagne and Caviar (Best Teams)
Kansas
Arizona
Oklahoma
Florida
Texas
The PTP’ers (The Best Players)
Chris Duhon, Duke
Kirk Hinrich, Kansas
Luke Ridnour, Oregon
Luke Walton, Arizona
David West, Xavier
All-Velcro Varmints (The Defenders)
Quannas White, Oklahoma
Julius Page, Pittsburgh
Royal Ivey, Texas
Romain Sato, Xavier
Emeka Okafor, Connecticut
All-Windex Wipers (The Rebounders)
Jamel Thomas, Texas
Cory Violette, Gonzaga
Emeka Okafor, Connecticut
Michael Sweetney, Georgetown
Travis Watson, Virginia
All-Thomas Edisons (The Creators)
T.J. Ford, Texas
Chris Thomas, Notre Dame
Chris Duhon, Duke
Steve Blake, Maryland
Brandin Knight, Pittsburgh
All-Rambos (The Intimidating Tough Guys)
Chris Marcus, Western Kentucky
David West, Xavier
Erwin Dudley, Alabama
Mario Austin, Mississippi State
Al Anagonye, Michigan State
All-Frequent Flyers (The Leapers)
Darius Rice, Miami
Ronald Dupree, LSU
Jermaine Dearman, Southern Illinois
Doug Wrenn, Washington
Ricky Paulding, Missouri
All-Bomb Squaders (The Long-Range Shooters)
Todd Billet, Virginia
Brett Blizzard, UNC-Wilmington
Jake Sullivan, Iowa State
Jason Kapono, UCLA
Luke Ridnour, Oregon
All-Dow Jonesers (The Up-And-Down Guys)
Andre Barrett, Seton Hall
Troy Bell, Boston College
Josh Howard, Wake Forest
Brian Cook, Illinois
LaVell Blanchard, Michigan
The Emmanuel Lewis All-Stars (The Short Players)
T.J. Ford, Texas
Jason Gardner, Arizona
Marques Green, St. Bonaventure
Dante Swanson, Tulsa
David Bailey, Loyola (Ill.)
All-Rip Van Winkles (The Sleepers)
Jameer Nelson, St. Joseph’s
Luis Flores, Manhattan
Carl English, Hawaii
Dalron Johnson, UNLV
Uche Nsonwu-Amadi, Wyoming
All-Tom Cruises (The No-Conscience, Never-Met-A-Shot-They-Didn’t-Like Top Guns)
Marcus Hatten, St. Johns
Brett Nelson, Florida
Keith Bogans, Kentucky
David Hawkins, Temple
Jason Kapono, UCLA
All-Diaper Dandies (The First-Year Players)
Raymond Felton, North Carolina
Carmelo Anthony, Syracuse
Christian Drejer, Florida
Chris Bosh, Georgia Tech
Jason Fraser, Villanova
All-Frank Lloyd Wrights (The Coaches Who Built Top Programs)
Jim Calhoun, Connecticut
Mike Krzyzewski, Duke
Jim Boeheim, Syracuse
Lute Olson, Arizona
John Chaney, Temple
