Home » Columns » Currently Reading:

Any Reason

March 20, 2003 Columns No Comments

A Little Bracket Help

by Adam Reich

When it comes to filling out the brackets, fans everywhere dig around
for the top-secret information that will help them pick the amazing
upsets, the final four teams and the tournament’s champion. But what
if you’re too busy? What if you’re still hung over from St. Patrick’s
Day? Or what if you just don’t know anything about college basketball?
If you fit any of these categories, then you might be totally lost
when it comes down to whom to pick. So for all of you
non-bracketologists out there looking for a reason to pick one team to
go all the way, here you go.

Alabama: Because they were ranked No. 1. Don’t you remember? Don’t

Arizona: Because you can’t get enough of Bill Walton. The further
they advance, the more airtime he gets.

Arizona State: Because they’re the Sun Devils. Think about that. The
Sun Devils. Pretty cool, huh?

Auburn: Because Kenny Smith will kiss Charles Barkley’s ass if they

Austin Peay: Because Austin Peay sounds like a kind of soup and soup
is good.

BYU: Because Mormons practice polygamy. Let me get this straight, I
can have 10 wives? Sign me up.

Butler: Because if they win, we get to say “The Butler did it”.

California: Because you like Jack Nicklaus. So let’s pick the Golden

Central Michigan: Because you went to Camp Chippewa as a kid.

Cincinnati: Because you didn’t graduate from college either.

Colorado: Because you can eat Buffalo wings while rooting for the

Colorado State: Because ski-bunny cheerleaders are good.

Connecticut: Because they get to scrimmage the women’s team at

Creighton: Because Kyle Korver is the next Larry Bird.

Dayton: Because people in Dayton have nothing else.

Duke: Because you went to Duke. That’s the only possible reason.

East Tennessee State: Because if they lose they assume the name
“Yucs.” Since Tampa Bay won it all.

Florida: Because every time you drink Gatorade you help fund the

Gonzaga: Because after one year as the favorite, they are underdogs
again. And Stockton’s shorts.

Holy Cross: Because then Phil Rizzuto might cover the Final Four.
“Holy Cow, I mean Cross.”

Illinois: Because Dee Brown reminds me of, uh, Dee Brown. Remember
the pump?

Indiana: Because you know Bobby Knight will be watching from home.

IUPUI: Because IUPUI is fun to say. Say it with me. IUPUI, IUPUI,
IUPUI! Kind of catchy, huh?

Kansas: Because this has to be Roy Williams’ year. I mean come on, it
has to be.

Kentucky: Because everyone else picked them. Come on, take a chance.

LSU: Because Shaq may celebrate the victory by self-funding the
script for Kazaam 2.

Louisville: Because Rick Pitino was made for college basketball. Just
ask Celtics fans.

Manhattan: Because these guys run ball at Rucker Park in the

Marquette: Because Dwayne Wade looks like Jimmy Walker. Dyn-o-mite!

Maryland: Because everyone fears the Turtle! I know I do.

Memphis: Because barbecue makes a good pre-game meal.

Michigan State: Because you know Mateen Cleeves will be cheering them
on from behind the bench.

Mississippi State: Because you know Clark Kellog will eventually
break out with “Super Mario.”

Missouri: Because your bald and thus admire Quinn Snyder’s mop.

NC State: Because you can’t pick Boston College.

Notre Dame: Because you hate the football team is no reason to hate
the basketball team.

UNC-Asheville: Because they have proven they can win in the
tournament. But Texas? Gulp.

UNC-Wilmington: Because you work at Dairy Queen. Damn, those
blizzards are good.

Oklahoma: Because the “Price is Right.” Brian Bosworth, come on down.

Oklahoma State: Because the clock is in their favor. Just ask the

Oregon: Because you’re a Star Wars junky. “Use the force Lukes.”

Pennsylvania: Because their the Quakers, not the Amish.

Pittsburgh: Because they’re the Rodney Dangerfield of college hoops.
They get “no respect.”

Purdue: Because after they win we can all go to the local watering
hole. “A round of Boilermakers.”

Saint Joseph’s: Because the winning story will be “St. Joseph’s and
the Amazing Final Four Dreamcoat.”

Sam Houston State: Because we don’t want to have to say “Bye Slamma

San Diego: Because the Toreros are muy bueno. Yo quiero Taco Bell.

South Carolina State: Because Moses Malone Jr. is their leader. Is
Dr. J Jr. still in medical school?

Southern Illinois: Because they’re man’s best friend. That’s right, a
Saluki is a dog. Yep, a dog.

Stanford: Because you’re an environmentalist. You got to love the
tree. What kind of a mascot is a tree?

Syracuse: Because Carmelo Anthony might stay in school. Yeah, right.
Who am I kidding?

Texas: Because then we can say “Something good finally came from

Troy State: Because we must practice safe selection-making. Please,
pick the Trojans.

Tulsa: Because the Golden Hurricane won’t fold in the National
Championship game like other ‘Canes.

Utah: Because we want as many Rick Majerus press conferences as
possible. That guy is hilarious.

Utah State: Because the Aggies need a “Twelfth Man.”

Vermont: Because your favorite halftime snack is Chunky Monkey ice

Wagner: Because unlike Dejuan Wagner, they aren’t killing your NBA
fantasy team.

Wake Forest: Because we must save the Wake Forest.

Weber State: Because we need Harold “The Show” Arcineaux highlights
all tournament long.

Western Kentucky: Because winning without Chris Marcus would be the
ultimate Ewing Theory example.

U of Wisconsin-Milwaukee: Because Miller might brew a beer called
“Panther Pilsner” in their honor.

Xavier: Because then David West will officially become the new “X
Man.” Sorry Mr. McDaniel.


Comment on this Article:

Subscribe to Hoopville

Enter your email address to subscribe to Hoopville


Hoopville Archives

College Basketball Tonight

We hope you enjoyed COLLEGE BASKETBALL TONIGHT during the 2016 NCAA Tournament. COLLEGE BASKETBALL TONIGHT is a comprehensive look at the NCAA Tournament hosted by veteran college basketball broadcaster Ted Sarandis, along with co-hosts Mike Jarvis and Terry O'Connor, both former Division I coaches. It also included many great guests, including Hoopville's own Phil Kasiecki.

The show aired on AM 710 WOR in New York City on Sunday evenings starting with Selection Sunday and running through the NCAA Tournament.

Here are links to the shows:

March 13, 2016 - First hour | Second hour

March 20, 2016 - First hour | Second hour

March 27, 2016 - First hour | Second hour

April 3, 2016 - First hour | Second hour

Everybody Needs a Head Coach

Former college basketball coach Mike Jarvis has a new book out, Everybody Needs a Head Coach.

"As you read this book, I hope that Coach Jarvis' experiences inspire you to find your purpose in life."
-Patrick Ewing, NBA Hall of Fame center

"Mike Jarvis' is one of my special friends. I am so pleased that he has taken the time to write this fabulous book."
-Mike Krzyzewski, Five-time NCAA championship head coach, Duke Blue Devils

"In reading this book, I can see that Mike hasn't lost his edge or his purpose. Readers should take a look at what he has to say."
-Jim Calhoun, Three-time NCAA champion, UConn Men's basketball

Review on Hoopville coming soon!

Coaching Changes and NBA Draft Early Entrants

The coaching carousel is moving. Keep track of the latest coaching changes right here on Hoopville.

Also, keep track of players who have declared early for the NBA Draft.

Hoopville Podcasts

Talking Hoops With Ted Sarandis – January 18, 2018

January 18, 2018 by

In our latest podcast, we talk about big road wins for a few teams, including a couple of bluebloods that looked destined for losses, as well as an unsettled Big Ten beyond one team, an SEC where you shouldn’t pay attention to bracketologists, and the problems with a proposed earlier start to the college basketball season.

Talking Hoops With Ted Sarandis – January 11, 2018

January 11, 2018 by

In our latest podcast, we talk about several big pieces of news away from game play, one of which puts a lot in perspective. We also talk about the lack of dominant teams and how this has shown up in the results, especially this past weekend.

Talking Hoops With Ted Sarandis – January 4, 2018

January 4, 2018 by

In our latest podcast, we start with a big game in the Big East, then move on to the sudden lack of undefeated teams, a big injury in the ACC, and a powerhouse that looks vulnerable in a stacked conference they have long ruled.

Talking Hoops With Ted Sarandis – December 8, 2017

December 8, 2017 by

In our latest podcast, we talk about a bizarre finish to an early-season tournament game, the Pac-12’s early struggles, Florida teams going in different directions and two northeast teams trending less relevant even as they excite fans at a famous arena.

Talking Hoops With Ted Sarandis – November 22, 2017

November 22, 2017 by

In our pre-Thanksgiving podcast, we look at a key injury that is likely to be devastating for his team and an under-the-radar 4-0 week, then move on to some early SEC impressions and a couple of teams that just continue to win.

Phil Kasiecki on Twitter

Recruiting Coverage

Lincoln captures Hamilton Park title

August 15, 2017 by

For the first time, a public school won the Hamilton Park Summer League, and they were led by a big effort from a junior point guard in the title game.

Notes from a day at the 2017 Boston Shootout

June 12, 2017 by

Some news and notes coming from the second and final day of action at the 2017 Boston Shootout, where the host program provided plenty of talent, but so did a program that produced a team that beat them.

Notes from a day at the 2017 Northeast Hoops Festival

April 11, 2017 by

The Northeast Hoops Festival helped bring in the new spring travel season in New England, and we have notes from some of Saturday’s action.

2016 Boston Back to School Showcase notes

September 12, 2016 by

We look back at the 2016 Boston Back to School Showcase, where a couple of Boston City League teams were among the most impressive on the day.

2016 Hoopville Spring Finale championship recap

June 28, 2016 by

We look back at the championship games of the 2016 Hoopville Spring Finale, which had a big local flavor as one might have expected.